my thoughts.. my world..

The Shadow!

2011-02-11T11:29:00.000-08:00

Had receded into d inner recesses of my mind sum day..

Then somehow i lost the way..

And also the will..

May be i lacked d desire.. or just d skill..

M now just a shadow of the past..

Lost.. distorted.. distant.. n dark..

Sunless smiles.. fading blood smears..

Moderate hatred.. logical fears..

Words fail to reach it.. pain to penetrate..

Is this reason to cry out loud? or to celebrate?

Weird that even in this oblivious stupor

She can feel your jagged warm breath??

Will this result in her re-birth or d final death!

Is your love potent enuf to heal .. to revive??

True enuf to bring d specter back to light.. to love.. to life??

reflections!

2011-01-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

2010..

a year of dreams..

some realized.. some shattered!

a year of promises..

some fulfilled.. some broken n battered!

a year of love..

both lost.. n new!

a year of words..

spoken.. unspoken.. false.. some true!

a year of hope..

sometimes dead.. sometimes unfailing!

a year of faith..

sometimes deep-rooted.. sometimes ailing!

of learning.. pain.. growth.. n lessons..

of yearning.. longing.. separations.. obsessions..

of light.. darkness.. secrets.. n confessions..

of miles.. distance.. of bridging gaps..

of myriad colors.. of grays.. n blacks..

of anxiety.. malady.. agony.. resilience..

of trials n tribulations.. achievement.. n experience..

of tranquility..solitude..lassitude..n flames..

of flesh.. blood.. bones.. n names..

of friendly strangers.. n strange friends..

a year that's gone.. yet one that never ends..

a year which over time n space transcends..

!!

2010-06-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

Waiting eagerly 4 d sun 2 set.. 4 darkness 2 alight..
Bt these damn tears.. seem to glisten even more at night!!

Do u??

2010-05-16T23:43:00.000-07:00

Do u sometimes feel something gnawing at your heart??
Do u sometimes suddenly find your world falling apart??
Do u sometimes think midnight is an early hour to sleep??
Do u sometimes struggle to keep at bay d confusions deep??

Do u have 2 try hard 2 keep sum part of u alive??
Do u sometimes feel d pain's too much.. tonight u won't survive??
Do u sometimes wonder how u of all cud bear so much pain??
Do u sometimes try not to try again n again??

Do u sometimes wake up with a tear in your half-closed eyes??
Do u sometimes now forget to swallow hard wen sum1 lies??
Do u sometimes realize that u don't feel d raindrops anymore??

Do u sometimes realize that it's being yourself that you most ignore??

transformations!!

2010-03-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

I hate to see d change
bt whom m i to blame?
u? me? thousand others?
hey who cares? no one bothers!
life moves on.. fast-paced.. glides!
trips sumtimes ovr d lies..
d smile's more frequent.. more plastic..
days pass.. nights.. nthng drastic..
u've canged.. n so hv i..
bt sumtimes.. jst sumtimes.. rarely..
i still do cry..
m still tryng to figure out..
wen exactly we bid good bye..
it's all different now.. 4 good or bad??
nah! m nt dat happy.. n obv nt dat sad..
hey! thr's no tracing back.. no about turn..
dis new so-called life.. hs jst begun!
feel d flow.. if u do still feel at all..
m too numb.. aftr d glorious fall..
silence hurts.. words scare..
yeah.. i knw.. nthng's evr fair!
jst dat sum1 sumtime
cud hv jst once cried out "beware"
hmmm.. bunk it! like all things i do..
not dat thr ws more i cud.. true..
well m nt evn sure whethr i wud want to..
so?! quit d thots.. wid time lets jst glide..
lets njoy (atleast try to) life's uneven ride!!

cross roads..

2010-03-15T18:22:00.001-07:00

making choices can be d most difficult thing!!
having no choice is also a better option!! u think.. really??!!
Really!!
its hell lot tougher to know what u cud have got..
what you knew you deserved.. bt lost coz of 1 wrong decision!
1 mistake.. n whosshhhh!!! d pleasant option is lost..
n u end up wid sthng u detest..
what more u r engulfed by d worst feeling possible.. REGRET!!
i wish.. i could.. i should have.. shit.. how could i?
all of no avail!!
all u r left with is ur Choice!!
rite or wrong!!
ur bloody choice!!
n a stinging.. burning sensation..
n ur stomach feels empty.. hollow..
n u don't rest in peace..
nt till u've decided again!! (may b)
cheesy?? bt true.. ain't it?

all smiles.......

2010-03-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

nthng complicated.... nthng much.. nthng new or xciting..
jst dat.. hd a nice day ystrday..
4 no reason..
still smiling!!!!! :)

sometimes.. rarely.. hardly.. yet sometimes..

2010-02-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

sumtimes.. u r jst happy.. it's a lil stupid coz dere's no reason to smile.. bt den isn't dat reason enuf?? n is it always necessary to hv a reason 4 evry lil thing?? c'mon u need dis.. n u deserve dis.. once in a while.. a silly lil smile.. without rhyme or reason.. a smile.. pure.. n divine..
makes things simple.. or may b complicated.. once u begin to ponder!! so, jst let it be.. who cares??
let d world.. d ppl.. d music.. d words.. d deeds.. d rationale b..
jst smile.. dis moment, dis happiness, dis joy, dis smile.. is only urs..
njoy ur command.. feel d warmth.. n dnt u dare think.. dnt u evn try to hold on to it..
transitory.. yes.. it is.. n dats y it's so beautiful..
dnt b scared.. let go.. jst b urself.. evn if it's for such few moments as dese..
wen.. U r simply U..

not now.. plz.. n nt again?!

2010-02-22T09:50:00.000-08:00

jst wen u thnk dat things r fine.. things r as u want them to b.. jst wen u re-read a sentence, smile n lift ur pen to add d dot (.) LIFE adds a comma (,) n u r expected to add moments, minutes, memories n words..
it's disgusting.. u cry out "it's nt fair"
bt then Life nvr is.. (n all fair things r so predictable, dry n boring!!)
bt den wat bothers u most is dat it's scary..
n hence u dnt wanna think abt it.. coz it sure gives u a fright.. dis realization.. dat U..
U who hd completely different plans.. U who hd worked so hard..
U who hd loved so much.. U who hd thot dat U hd nw grown strong enuf to let go..
U who hd learnt to dream, plan n execute..
hd some how forgotten to think abt failures.. had forgotten abt destiny.. d bigger power.. good or bad.. dunno.. bt defintely bigger!!
n hence change - deviation 4m wat u'd thot, wished, prayed for, hd nearly got.. gives u a shock.. to say d least..
r U angry or hurt?
is it anger or despair?
or simply excruciating pain? or r U numbed by disbelief?
1 more sleepless night? jst wen u wer thnking of curling up.. n divine sleep!
U hate it.. rite? n so do i.. Bt who cares?!
dis is d thought wic haunts u late at nite..
wic disturbs u in d morning, evn b4 u open ur eyes..
y me? y cudn't it b d othr way round? hw cud dis happen?
hate dese adamant hows n whys..
take up a lot of time.. n nvr tend to leave an answer wic makes sense..
bt then.. it's morning.. n it's brighter.. n ur nt scared anymore.. u love d light.. d fresh air.. d warmth.. d birds too (depends)..
u think afresh.. plan.. dream.. write another prayer..
bt d night leaves u disillusioned yet again..
y do v dream, wish, plan, pray again n again?
to feel d scattered shards cutting into d thin layers.. of skin n consciousness?
to feel d warm blood wen d darkness runs a chill down our spine?
No.. i guess not..
its wat v call innate, natural, human..
silly?! yup.. may b.. dunno.. yes.. sometimes..
or is dis wat we call Faith?!
intangible.. invincible!
d Bigger Power?!

beginnings..

2010-02-22T07:35:00.000-08:00

beginnings r always difficult..
mean.. dunno wer to begin with.. how do u start a conversation.. a journey.. a relationship..
endings r bitter, abrupt.. bt beginnings r more difficult.. some how..